There is no relevance of the first line as per me, and if you want you can absolutely ignore it.
Stop for a second, and think about yourself.
I seriously think the infamous saying that failures are the stepping stones to success is dubious and irritating. It was probably made to console the people who fail, to give them the hope they recently lost.
I didn’t get through, I wasn’t selected. Okay? Yes I didn’t get what I wanted. And now I have said it; said that I am disheatened, said that I feel absolutely fucking terrible. And you know what writing it, definitely doesn’t help. But here I am, writing it down. It makes me think, now it’s recorded and it will forever stay here, that it will sadden me whenever I will read this in future. Okay, to be honest I probably won’t ever read it again basically ’cause A. maybe in future I will laugh outright to apprehend how foolish this is, that how stupid I was to devote a whole post to a situation which was so trivial and not even worth so much stress. I can also possibly think – if I would be mature and strong enough – that there will come better chances and opportunities in life, that everything happens for some hidden good, our eyes can’t see. Or B. I will be again morose at the thought of not getting through, of not getting what I wanted and take my eyes off this post.
Without digressing further, in simple and not-revealing-much words, there was umm… a competition which I couldn’t clear, in layman terms.
And you know how my mind consoled me? By popping this idiotic idea in my head that, “Wow, now at last you will be able to write something.” Like seriously? Here I am not able to recover failure, and that what the wise mind advises me. On the other note, making it all the more obvious that grief and pain urges you to write more than happiness and rejoice. Probably because you are too engrossed to think about anything while you are happy.
Was I too-confident (read over-confident) of getting through? And I request you to fathom other questions that I asked myself in the middle of the night, doubting my caliber, my whole self, ’cause I don’t have the strength to point my weaknesses. I guess I underestimated my opponents. That was my fault. Period.
More than all this, I despise all the people asking me “Oh, what happened?”, “How was it?” blah, blah, blah. I hate people who said, “Oh you will surely win.” I feel the envity and cruelty existing in our surroundings. I hate people, as always. Then, I feel people who don’t know me are better companions, as always.
There are so many other things I can write but my thoughts right now are like a megillah of tangled hair.
I wrote another piece on rejection some time back, I hope to post it if I am able to complete it. There is also one poem I hope to post soon. Till then try to overcome your failures no matter how hard that is. I am writing this for you and mainly for myself.